


For Now

by sekiromi



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Foreshadowing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Late at Night, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24997348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekiromi/pseuds/sekiromi
Summary: You wish the morning would never come, you both know what tomorrow brings. But, for now, you treasure your final hours together, pretending for a moment this isn't your last encounter. For now, it's just you, him, and an endless night of dreaming.
Relationships: L (Death Note)/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	For Now

**Author's Note:**

> Reader is leaving Japan, and the investigation, in the early morning of the 11th March after discovery of the Death Note. L comes to say a final goodbye.

“May I stay here tonight?”

For the rest of your life, you would never forget the look in his eyes when he asked you that question. He was distraught in every sense of the word, and even if his expression maintained that measured coolness, he couldn’t hide it from you because his eyes shone with unshed tears and you thought to yourself _I don’t want to watch him cry_.

Every night henceforth, you would die a little inside remembering the exhaustion in his voice, the fatigue in his limbs when he approached you, silently begging you to show him some affection. His desperation for love had never been so apparent, and you had never been more ready to give it to him.

“…This is the last time we’re going to see each other, isn’t it?” Your voice wavered, uneven but certain. You knew without having to ask, you’d known for some time now.

“I imagine so.” His voice, quiet and calm, pulled you to him as the moon pulls the tide, and you felt like you were drowning. You wanted to be strong for him, so you swallowed your misery and blinked back the tears as you wrapped your arms around him, face pressed against his chest as he returned your embrace, holding you closer than you’d ever been before. He smelled like stale coffee and something sweet, which hardly surprised you, and for months afterwards you would smother yourself in his shirts just to get to sleep. You would cry for a week straight when his clothes would lose his smell. It would be like losing a piece of him all over again.

“You didn’t have to wait until now to sleep with me, you know.” You tried to make it sound lighthearted and teasing, but your words didn’t quite have that effect. Even if he smiled a little as he looked down at you, his heart was full of regret.

“I know. I’m sorry. I wish I had…told you sooner.”

“…I wish you had, too.” You couldn’t help it, the thought of saying goodbye so soon hurt too much and the tears began to spill. His hands cupped your face gently, thumbs wiping at the tears because he couldn’t bear to see what he was putting you through. He murmured your name, tone so soft and sweet that you never wanted to hear another person say it that way ever again. That name belonged to him now.

“Can you forgive me?” It wasn’t a request, it was a plea. He needed your forgiveness and even though you were upset and angry, you smiled and nodded. Even if a small part of you would hate him forever for making you fall in love with him only to leave you before either of you had done anything about it, you would give him forgiveness because you loved him too much to let him die without it.

“Of course I can. Can you do something for me, though?” It was your turn to plea, voice desperate and eyes wet as you looked up into his, his brow furrowed in concern and despair.

“What is it?” You leaned forwards, standing on your toes to press your forehead against his, eyes fluttering to shut out the rest of the world for a moment, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Pretend like this isn’t our last night. Pretend like we have the rest of our lives ahead of us, the rest of time to do this right.” You couldn’t look at him as you made your request, when you opened your eyes they focused on the floor. His breath ghosted over your cheeks and nose, warm but shaky.

“…Okay, if that’s what you need.”

For one night you lived a lie you both played so well you might have actually believed it if it weren’t for that sense of dread that had begun to bloom in your stomach the moment he appeared in your room. You showed him the kind of love he had never been shown before, kisses feverish and touches desperate, your bodies both so starved of affection that if it weren’t for the promise of morning it would have been the best night of your life. For the first time, he showed you every part of himself, baring his soul for you and only you to see before it left this world behind, and you made sure to worship all of him.

Lying in your bed, exhausted in every single way, you cradled him as you both cried, skin against skin and hands entangled in his dark and messy hair as you tried to comfort him whilst falling apart yourself. When the tears had finally dried, and the darkness had settled in, you fought to stay awake just to savour the last few hours you had together before your flight home in the morning. You took it in turns to hold each other, hands gentle and wandering and hearts full of love. You talked idly about a dream of a brighter future together, and he indulged you as best as he could even though it broke his heart. You named the kids you’d never have, imagined the house you’d never live in and the things you’d never get to do.

In the future, these fantasies would bring you a sad sort of comfort, when the memory of your last night becomes dulled with time. But for now, you focus on L, the rise and fall of his chest as he drifts in and out of sleep, the fluttering of his eyes and the softness in his gaze as they settle on you. He tells you he loves you between bouts of wakefulness. You whisper back, “ _I love you too, so much_ ”, and he smiles. For now, the morning doesn’t matter. For now, it’s just you, him, and an endless night.

**Author's Note:**

> Been rewatching Death Note recently and had the urge to write this even though I have an essay due in about 25 hours. Thank you for reading, and sorry for the sadness!


End file.
